Alex Gellman

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Self Talk Matters

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To realize your new year’s resolutions you may need to examine the voice within your head which is always nattering at a low volume like a radio playing in the background. Does that radio station keep playing sad songs like “I’m a Failure” “I’m a Fake” and “I’m Lazy”? Well maybe it’s time to change the station. Realize, you do sabotage yourself with negative self talk.

You look in the mirror and you gained 5 pounds over the holidays – not great – but not the end of the world either. Seize the opportunity to look within and get a greater understanding of why you overindulged. Did you seek solace in food and extra wine to deal with the deep pain around _________________(fill in the blank – a break up, parent’s divorce, job loss etc.)

Painful losses are a fact of life, but our culture is uncomfortable with expressions of grief, so we divert our focus to food, gambling, drugs, alcohol and often self-mutilation. These are all expression of the deep pain we carry and our attempt  to not be present, to escape.

What if for 2014 you created a kick ass lawyer or counselor to rebut all the horrible things you tell yourself ? Imagine this lawyer/counselor advising:  “Yes you gained 5 pounds as a coping tool to deal with your parent’s death or other, but you are now learning other tools to help you deal with the deep pain and discomfort these events caused you”.

Give lawyer/counselor a name and trust him or her to look after you and protect  you from that nasty voice that undermines you in so many of  your endeavors. It’s time to dare to dream.

To help you deal with your losses, I can recommend you visit us at our grief site.

The Bach flower remedy to help you with this is Cherry plum  . Take 2 drops three times a day for three days. Let me know how you are doing. Your progress is important!

 

Communication Matters

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Are you happy with how you communicate? Too afraid to speak up sometimes, or conversely, find yourself shouting loud to be heard and recognized? Can you engage others when expressing your ideas, or do you receive blank stares and mumbled responses?

I recently had a patient who complained of chronic sore throat that made her hoarse and uncomfortable. We determined after months of work, that she was channeling energy into repressing memories of abuse and not acknowledging fears and losses and this contributed to having her voice literally suppressed. By being honest and dealing with her issues her voice was freed and she was able to pursue her interest in singing and joined a choir.

Singing – an ideal therapy for the throat chakra, whether it’s done just for yourself in the shower or with an organized choir or band. Go for it. And try to be honest – it can be therapeutic, and here’s an amusing account of radical honesty.

Another easy throat remedy is the Back flower remedy: Holly. Take 7 drops for 7 days. Allow yourself to feel the real pain and acknowledge its source because that is what leads to the anger and frustration that disrupts your voice. And here’s a short quiz to rate your communication skills.

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Questions to Ask on the Road to Happiness and How to Quell Anxiety the Answers Might Cause

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With the new year, you’ve probably done some assessing as to how you feel physically. Whether you’ve managed to take any steps this month towards a more optimum physique or physical wellbeing, may be predicated on how you are feeling mentally.

How is your self-esteem? Are you able to keep a positive outlook? Feeling confident in general? How is your sleep? Any enlightening dreams? How’s your sex life? Do you have kids? If not, are you happy with that, and if you have offspring,  how is your relationship with your child or children? Do you devote as much time to them as you think they need, and what about your needs? You may need that time with them more than you realize. How is your emotional health and are you doing anything to increase your emotional quotient?

Wow, the questions are endless and all worth contemplating but oddly enough, studies have shown that silencing all the questions through a mindful exercise of meditation can actually alleviate that nagging “seasonal affective disorder” and deeper rooted depression.

Meditation, like everything else, improves with daily practice.

And while practice makes perfect there may be more to it than that.

No less an expert than Anders Ericsson, the Florida State University psychologist whose research on expertise spawned the 10,000-hour rule of thumb, says, “You don’t get benefits from mechanical repetition, but by adjusting your execution over and over to get closer to your goal.” “You have to tweak the system by pushing,” he adds, “allowing for more errors at first as you increase your limits.”

The main predictor of success is deliberate practice – persistent training to which you give your full concentration rather than just your time, often guided by a skilled expert, coach, or mentor. It’s a qualitative difference in how you pay attention, not a quantitative measure of clocking in the hours. 

There seems to be a fine line between total focus and the structured approach to letting go of focus and structure through meditation. Regardless, if you want to reap the benefits of meditation, take some coaching and then practice properly as much as possible, as regularly as possible.

This holds true for any undertaking. What is it you seek, right now? Ahh, more questions, eternally, more questions. Look here for answers – and within. 100_0248

 

 

 

Home is Where the Heart Is – but Only if You Make it So.

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Is 2014 the year to make your home a priority? Is it time to make your abode more than just a place to hang your hat? Do you need to change locale, go bigger, or downsize? Maybe de-cluttering is in order? Uprooting is a big decision and shouldn’t be spur of the moment, so take some time now to prioritize.

My suggestion in this area for 2014 is to draw up a floor plan of your residence to analyze the space. Plan to de-clutter and give away anything you haven’t used in a year and get rid of broken or “past the due date” items. (Such items can block the flow of energy.) Don’t try to do it all in one day. Plan out a section per week. We only have so much energy and time so use it wisely, making sure to still fit in time for pleasures, creativity and rest.

Take six months or so for this process and then evaluate how you feel about your place. You may find your outlook for your future living arrangements may be very different from what it is today. To help this cleansing of the soul process,I recommend the Bach flower remedy walnut. Take 3 drops for three days or every time you undertake de-cluttering a section of your house.

Call 416-456 HELP (4357)

Call 416-456 HELP (4357) or email your Toronto Life Coach Alex Gellman for more information about Life Coaching Toronto. Urgent matters requiring immediate attention email to [email protected]

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