I am undertaking the chore of blogging regularly. I’ve put it off for years and I’m nervous because success is important to me and I need to be in control.
But like my teacher (my husband) says: “Face the fear. If it’s not death, go for it!”
I’m taking a deep breath and publicizing my goal: to blog once a week on either grief or the candida self-help group. Easy to say it, now it’s time for action.
I’ll start with the subject of grief.
I’m well acquainted with grief in my personal history. I lost all my family by the age of 35. I also suffered a loss of physical health; I developed chronic fatigue, fibro myalgia, Epstein Barr, herpes, mono and IBS. Like all FMS patients, I couldn’t sleep at night, I was exhausted during the day and it became a continuous cycle of suffering. When I did manage to sleep I would be haunted by ghastly dreams of walking through grave yards looking for my parents .
I sought a therapist who sent me to a grief facilitator who had organized a grief group. I attended that group for five years.
YES, five years it took me, but I’m a very slow processor of emotions and it takes many people much less time. Nobody heals overnight though so be prepared to be patient with yourself.
Besides therapy and the grief group, I consulted a Naturopath, Sandy Wood. She taught me about the blood type-diet connection. Because I am blood type O, the vegan diet I had been following that consisted of mostly nuts and seeds and vegetables was unsuitable for me. Sandy told me t-bone steaks are highly beneficial for me! Within 3 months of following the diet prescribed for type O blood, my health had bounced back, I could work again and had minimal symptoms.
During that difficult time in my life I discovered three things that only serve to increase emotional pain after a significant loss:
1. Consume alcohol
2. Blame yourself and indulge in “if only’s” such as “if only we had gotten another medical opinion” or, for marital breakups “if only we had done couples
counselling ”
3. Push yourself harder and fill your day with activity to the point
of exhaustion
Eventually I switched tactics (or I wouldn’t be here) and found three things to do that help during difficult times:
1. Increase your intake of multi coloured fruit and vegetables to
benefit from increased antioxidant consumption.
2. Seek out a support group that understands and has compassion for
what you are going through.
3. Light a candle every night, pray and ask for forgiveness for all
the wrongs, real or imagined, that you blame yourself for
If you know someone who has experienced a loss, please forward this to them as sharing in my experience might be helpful to him or her. Also, I welcome your feedback, good and bad. However, since I am overly sensitive to criticism please cushion your criticism with a compliment or positive remark.
Remember grief results from many things: including divorce, illness, bankruptcy,
loss of health, loss of the dream to have children, loss of a job, loss of
self or a loved one to addictions. Even the loss of a pet, can provoke
profound grief.
